S T O R I E S - the search for funny - part deux

Sep 9th

I looked around for funny again today, and it soon became apparent that I am going to have to go global with this. I marched right into The Flight Centre, slammed my fist on the counter and demanded a round-the-world ticket. I was promptly escorted from the premises by two large security guards who kindly listened to me (thanks Bruno, Frank) when I explained my full intention of paying for said ticket, and happily returned me to the premises from which I was removed.

No-one wanted to serve me (too intense), but once I had explained that I was on the search for funny they all loosened up a bit and figured I wasn’t such a bad guy/freak after all.
Amanda took care of me. “Where would you like to go sir?”
“Well I’m looking for the ultimate laugh so where do you think I might find that? ”
“As in ‘oh we had such a laugh on that trip? ‘ or ‘I couldn’t breathe, nearly died? ’ ”
“Nearly died”
She turned to the map and pointed, “I’d say here, here and here, possibly here but definitely not there.”
“Thank you Amanda. And I wouldn’t mind just sneaking a quick surf trip in here if I could.”
“Sir?”
“Yes?”
“Are you sure you’re focused on the task at hand or am I wasting my time here?”
“Yes I’m focused” I replied a little irritated, “No you’re not wasting your time. I just may need a little break from the rigours”.
“The rigours of looking for funny stuff all day?”
“Yep.”
Amanda studied me silently for a good two minutes. I didn’t drop her gaze. Didn’t blink, didn’t faulter. She soon yielded. “Okay sir” she said, now speaking softly to her computer screen, “whatever you say….loser”.

She definitely said ‘loser’, quietly, but she said it. I’m no loser, I’ll show her, I’ll show them all, I am going to find funny!




I took Amanda to dinner that night. We spoke of funny, but only briefly. Really we just wanted to go home and shag. Which we did, and it was great. “See” she said, “there is more to life than just laughter. That felt amazing, and it was funny too. We scored two goals from the one kick. You need to keep your mind open to all the other good things life has to offer. ”
“Funny?” I enquired cautiously.
“Well yeah, just your technique was a little funny” she replied distractedly; clearly more interested in examining her belly button for lint.
“Yours was hilarious” I retorted, confident I’d gained the high ground.
“Oh don’t be like that. I thought it was cute.” And she had won.




Sep 10

Today and for the next few I’ll just be getting things ready for the quest. Boring.


Sep 13

Departure: 11:30pm, Perth International Airport, red eye flight. No-one came to see me off. They think it's ridiculous.


Sep 14

1:08am

Well this is very exciting. Here I am really doing it: A late night flight to kick off possibly the greatest and noblest quest of the modern era. And all these people sitting around me don’t even know it. They’re sharing the same air as greatness and they are completely oblivious. Oh hang on, something’s happening nearby. A haggard, dodgy-looking old lady with a bung eye has motioned to the hosty. I’m listening in and actually documenting this as it happens. Aha, aww yep, she’s asking the hostess to ask me to stop speaking the words aloud as I write because A) It’s keeping everyone awake, and B) I sound like a complete tool.

Okay, I’ve accommodated the old bag and stopped talking aloud as I write, which is probably a good thing because that was embarrassing. Oop, hang on, everyone’s glaring at me again. Bugger.

Okay, I’ve got it sorted now. I get so engrossed in the writing I just don’t even realise I’m doing it. Enough about that. I’m here on a mission so I’m going to see if there is anything humorous on this here plane. First I’ll need my ninth beer. Following the embarrassment of recent events, I figure if I throw a few back I can retro-fit my apparent loopiness as simple drunkenness in the memories of those aboard, thereby becoming “the party guy” rather than “the crazy guy”. It’s worth a shot.